discipling4life

While leading a small group at a disciple-making conference, there were a lot of questions about how to begin a discipling relationship. Most of the men in this group had been to this same conference for three to five years. They had yet to find a fellow to begin to disciple, although they definitely had the desire.

Talking with a couple of them individually, I found that their approach was a problem that they had not considered. They seemed to consider starting a discipling relationship to be similar to starting a business transaction. Most of them met a fellow they were interested in and asked them if they would like to be discipled. When they did this, they got turned down, and frustrated.

I shared some ideas with them and thought I would flesh things out here (since a couple of them asked for more information to be posted).

We all know that Jesus spent a night in prayer before choosing his twelve disciples (Luke 6:12). However, a simple search of the chapter previous to Luke 6, shows us that Jesus was calling men to follow him even before he prayed the entire night. Luke 6:13 indicates that the twelve disciples were chosen from a larger group of disciples.

Here’s what we get from a deeper look beyond Luke 5 and 6: Jesus was building relationships with men before he ever called them. While we may assume that Jesus just “randomly” walked up to Simon and Andrew and asked them to follow him (Mark 1:16-17), most biblical scholars agree that each of the disciples answering his call had probably had several encounters with him before getting called to follow.

Here’s my point: Beginning a discipling relationship works best by beginning a relationship with a man you would like to disciple. Instead of a “forward assault” that we might use in military tactics, you’ll have must better results by asking someone to meet with you for coffee. And giving the relationship time to develop.

I went on a church camping trip several years back and one young married fellow peaked my interest. I looked for a couple opportunities to chat lightly with “Steve” (yep, one of those fictitious names for a real person!). The next week at church, I looked for Steve to say hello and catch up on a couple things we had talked about previously.

On the third week, I asked if Steve might be available to meet for lunch. I also offered to meet him near his work to make it easy on him. He said his work schedule wouldn’t permit it; he brought a lunch everyday and ate while he worked. About once a month, I continued to offer to meet for lunch. And finally, about six months after we first met, Steve said he could carve out 30 minutes at a fast food place near his work.

In the next six months, Steve continued to carve out 30 minutes, once a month, but we enjoyed the time getting to know one another. At each meeting, I shared a thought I had gotten from my quiet time and encouraged him to try to carve out some time in the word during his day.

It was at the one-year mark, at the end of our 30-minute lunch that Steve looked at me and said, “We’re going to meet like this every week, right?” That question came out of the blue. I had not mentioned meeting weekly, although I learned later that Steve talked with a couple other guys from church who I was meeting with weekly.

Steve started our discipling relationship when he was ready. He got a glimpse of the benefits other guys mentioned and enjoyed the relationship we had been building. It took a year, but it was well worth it. Steve has become one of my strongest disciple-makers; reproducing in others what I have reproduced in him.

If you are having trouble finding a man to disciple, strike up a friendship with another man at church. In all likelihood, you will have something to invest in him once your relationship grows. You will also teach him the best way to fish for men is to use bait that draws fish closer rather than scares them off.

A few days ago, we were discussing Matthew 12:35 and 36, which says, “The good man brings out of his good treasure what is good; and the evil man brings out of his evil treasure what is evil. But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment” (all verses are from the NASB).

The discussion centered on the idea of careless words, which is definitely something that Jesus warned us about. However, I wanted to send a little more time of the idea of “bringing.” It might be easy to remember that we should watch our language, but there is an absolute that we were ignoring.

What does it mean to “bring out what is good” or “bring out what is evil?” The key is in the word “bring.” At first glance, it seems that this is just something that comes along with us. Something like saying, “I’ll bring the donuts.”

But the Greek word for bring is actually a much strong word than we realize. Matthew chooses to use the word ἐκβάλλω (ekballō, Strong’s G1544) and Matthew uses that word 28 times in his Gospel (82 times in the whole New Testament). While Matthew uses ekballō twice in verse 35, we can begin to understand the strength of the word better in another verse where he uses the word twice again in the same chapter (v. 27).

Verse 27 reads, “If I by Beelzebul cast out demons, by whom do your sons cast them out?” (NASB). What that? You don’t even see the word “bring?” No you don’t, because in verse 27 it is translated as “cast out,” not “bring.” And that’s how we begin to understand the strength of this word Jesus used when he said that good men bring good things out of their good treasure.

What Jesus is saying is that there’s actually some work involved in bringing out good or evil from what we treasure in our hearts; as much work as casting out demons! As a mater of fact, this word ekballō is translated as “cast out” more than half the time it appears in the New Testament. But you may also see it in Matthew 7:5, “first take (ekballō) the log out of your own eye” and in Matthew 9:38, “Therefore beseech the Lord of the harvest to send out (ekballō) workers into His harvest.”

Here’s my point, while we might focus on avoiding careless words we may totally miss the idea of purposefully, intentionally, even forcefully bringing good things out of our treasure store. These good things simply will not ooze out of us. Work is necessary.

Watching for careless words is important, but Jesus refers to the person who is actively bringing out good things as a “good man.” The other two options are a careless man or an evil man. Let’s strive to be producers of good!

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Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash

This morning I had a great visit with Michael, a spiritual son who was once stationed at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio but now lives on the Minneapolis side of the Twin Cities. Over the past four years, Michael successfully completed a nursing program at Metro State University and has now begun working at a major hospital in Minneapolis. As we caught up on life over the past year, Michael talked about not being ready for marriage because he felt like there were spiritual things that he felt the need to address.

Our conversation moved into Michael’s time in the Word, which has been minimal (I can completely understand the high cost of nursing school on “optional” activities). I thought through ways that could be helpful for Michael to begin to get back into the Word, other than hearing a sermon every other week (his nursing schedule requires working every other weekend).

As we explored our options, I learned that Michael spends about 30 minutes every morning driving to work. So we started to explore how he could better use that time by listening to God’s Word through a Bible app or a Christian podcast on his cellphone.

We talked about determining a specific goal for his Christian walk, rather than a broad, more vague goal of “being a better Christian.” Instead, we talked about beginning to get a better grasp on God’s Word by taking “baby steps” (a term popularized by financial advisor Dave Ramsey). Since Michael has been athletic in the past (we both used to run together in 5-kilometer events in the Twin Cities), he understood that a goal to run one mile was much more doable, and was also on the way to a longer-range goal of running ten miles.

I asked Michael to take three or four days to think through a reasonable objective to begin developing in his time in God’s Word and one or two activities that he could do over the next three months. If I don’t hear from him within five days, I’ll call him to remind him of the commitment we made together.

Discipling men must be done in small chucks in order to help them feel successful. If the goal is too broad or too far out, they can easily get frustrated and feel like a failure. Simple goals that are achievable are what we need to focus on as we help others become disciples of Jesus who can also disciple others.

For a simple illustration on ways to get into God’s Word see the Hand Illustration here.

In our small group this past week, we discussed the topic of Christian fellowship after completely a Bible study on that topic before gathering together. We challenged each other on our conclusions regarding what makes fellowship “Christian?” Some thoughts included, “if it’s something that non-Christians can do, it’s not Christian,” and “if it is God honoring, it’s Christian.” You might see where these two go in different directions. There wasn’t disagreement, but listening to one another and considering each other’s thoughts.

Our conversation, following the study we completed, then turned to fellowship in the local church. One person indicated that the church he attends has no fellowship based on his experience at the end of each service – everyone simply leaves without talking to anyone. We considered whether the newer tradition of shaking hands near the beginning of the service might be considered fellowship (mostly negative thoughts on that).

But the most interesting discussion occurred when one man admitted that he had stopped going to his church altogether. (All eyes rested on him at that point.) He quickly added that he would listen to the sermon soon after it was posted on the website, but he was no longer interested in attending the service. The reason – the music.

This fellow, from the Millennial generation, did not like most of the music played in his church. The music team often plays a popular secular song that the pastor tries to connect to the sermon. It was clear that that part of the “praise” service wasn’t scratching our study partner where he itched. He also questioned to need for expensive stage lights and sound systems, and referred to the full set-up as a concert.

As we each tried to listen well to our brother express his feelings and decision to stay home and simply listen to the sermon, another guy chimed in that he had made the same decision. He was also turned off by the music at a different church (there are four churches represented in our small group). While his wife continued to attend so their children could be part of the children’s activities, he had simply checked out of a church that was not meeting any of his needs.

The conversation turned to a more theological thought: should we just suck it up and honor God with our presence in a local assembly? We were reminded of one of the verses we looked at from Hebrews 10:24-15: “and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.”

What happens when church no longer “stimulates us?” What do we do when there is no encouragement found there? What if the church even loses sight of “the day drawing near?” These are hard questions and remind me of a book I read several years ago entitled, “Why Men Hate Going to Church.” The simple premise of that book, written over 20 years ago, is that the local church is geared toward women and children, and sometimes old people. Men simply get a pancake breakfast once a quarter, or can volunteer to help with the children. It seems that churches did not get the message contained in that book.

At the end of our discussion, one man said, “This is my church. This is where I’m challenged. This is where I learn to follow Christ. And I don’t have to sing.”

Here’s the concluding thought: With churches spending lots of money, equipment and effort to reach non-Christians, unchurched, nominal Christians and the like, while losing Christian men who want to be challenged in their faith and act like men (1 Corinthians 16:13), where else can these men go to grow in Christ? It seems to be more of a dilemma that we realize.

Side note: As I thought more about this topic since our small group met, I was reminded that many church websites also put their praise music team in a prominent position on their web page. “Above the fold” is a term in web development that comes from the newspaper industry. It means what someone can see on the top of a folder newspaper (above the fold and below the fold are the two halves of a newspaper’s front page). For websites, it means that the viewer does not have to scroll down. It implies that this is the most important thing the reader should know. (Think of old newspapers you’ve seen regarding Pearl Harbor, the Space Shuttle, or 9-11 World Trade Center attack—no one remembers what’s below the fold.)

I looked at the websites of the fourteen largest Protestant churches I could think of here in San Antonio (nothing scientific). Nine of those websites (a full 64%) had a background or picture of the praise team (one choir) above the fold – that’s the first thing a visitor to the churches website would see. The next most popular item (at 14%) was a notice for a women’s or children’s program (probably a seasonal thing that changes from time to time, but I am again reminded of Why Men Hate Going to Church.